5-10-13

This morning I woke up super late. Like, 7:30p. Which is not a good idea. We weren't ready to leave the house until 9a and Jeremy didn't get to work until like 9:45p because I swear there was traffic for everything. Boo! So, I dropped off Jeremy at work feeling really insecure about my activities with the baby that day. Yesterday was just so stressful I've been feeling like super shitty mom since yesterday. I kinda figured out why this is- its an astrological thing. Yesterday and today are the lunar eclipse in Taurus and from what I understand this means that the irrational digging up from the past thats taken place these last two weeks actually has a purpose. I'm ready to shed that skin and basically get much closer to who I want to be. Someone kinder, more empathetic and someone who isn't so hard on themselves.

My mom told me this morning that she'll probably be leaving sooner than June which was surprising. (She's been staying with us since 11/24/12) Its definitely been stressful to have her here and its been really good to have her spend so much time with Noelle. Truth be told, I've been wanting her to leave for a while. We've got some issues, it seems like we haven't gotten along since I was born. Jeremy calls us oil and water. Truthfully, I feel like were so similar and so controlling that we don't leave the other any room to breathe or feel. Anyways, when she told me shed be leaving soon I had a little moment of panic and relief all at once.

Noelle did great this morning at my moms meetup group at Zolli Koffee. I put down her blanket and she rolled around all over it back and forth. She's really getting the rolling thing down. She seemed content in her frustration. I feel like she enjoys a challenge but fear that I might be projecting my own thoughts on the matter. I talked, drank coffee, walked her around and my friend Ashley told us she was selling her girasol ring sling. Now that Noelle does so excellent in her Pikkolo and Ergo I'm looking for a soft ring sling to carry her around in once in a while. It's a different feel but it'll help keep a hand open and they're super pretty. Not such a big deal to put on and take off as the Ergo-- would be nice for short trips into the grocer and around the house. Ashley said I could borrow it for a week or so and see how she likes it. SWEET.

Girasol Ring Sling

She still wont eat if she's distracted by anything. Any noise or light or movements. She's been getting really sleepy and hungry lately. The last three days I've given her a little acetaminophen around 2p because she's been getting fussy due to her uncomfortable gums (teething) and she's taken a 2 hour nap a little bit afterwards. I think her naps have been a lot longer because of the drugs and because she's been able to relax a little bit when she's not uncomfortable (makes sense). 

She's grabbing for every thing now and I can tell she's a little more comfortable around other babies now. I'm going to try to make it to the friday morning meetup weekly. It really helps when I hang out with other like-minded moms. 

Last night I dreamt I was pregnant. Honestly, I was really afraid when I woke up that it was true. I don't feel like I could do that again. My pregnancy was so awful with the band slip and the ultra sickness and the moving and whoa. I guess, to be fair, if I got pregnant again it might actually be a lot easier. Now that I know what to expect. I would definitely do a home birth again- that was a really good choice. If it were up to me (and it mostly is), I would want it to just be the three of us forever. I dont feel the need for another baby at all. I'd like to think of myself as family oriented but I'm really not. I like peace and personal attention. I like to experience everything once and then move on. My mom wants us to have another one (a boy) lol. She's obsessed with having a ton of grandchildren. I feel like she's lucky she got one. 

It's a good day to be Noelle's mama. I'm feeling better and better in my transition from maiden to mother. Did I mention were moving in February? Our landlord wants to sell this place and were in no position to buy it. At fist I was stressed out but now I'm excited. We'll save up enough to hire movers and find a great place closer to Jeremy's work. Hooray for new! If only we could stay at the next place forever!