5-24-13

Noelle is now 4.5 months old. Her little personality is now shining through in her loud, high-pitched noises. They are so freakin cute! She's incredibly expressive! She screeches all the time, when she's happy or curious and even when she's getting frustrated. She's still in crawling position but has mastered rolling. We don't really carry her over our shoulder anymore, sort of a high hip carry. She is grabbing at EVERYTHING: cups, plates, forks, paperwork... everything! She grabs for everything now and puts it straight into her mouth. She's been sucking her thumb recently and its really darn cute. She's been sleeping a lot and eating a ton! Definitely another growth spurt. Still no teeth yet which is really surprising. I feel like she's been showing teething symptoms forever. I can see a little white on the top of part of her gums though. I think that's the teeth popping up.

She's been spending a lot of time with grandma lately. I'm having my lap band surgically removed soon which means my Mom will be going back to Oregon for a while. I think its really good that they spend lots of time together. She really enjoys her grandma a lot. I feel really lucky to have someone here to give us a break sometimes. We've been really fortunate to have someone we trust available to take care of her while we get things done or unwind. It'll be really hard when my Mom leaves. I suppose it's just another stage of life to get used to. I feel confident that we'll do the best we can. Noelle is really lucky to have so many people that love her as much as we do.

She's a great little traveler in her car seat. We give her her Sophie Giraffe and some teething rings & she just makes funny noises or kicks her feet & falls asleep from the engine hum. As long as she gets out every hour- she's peachy.

I am falling more and more in love with her. I cannot wait to wake up in the morning and see her smiling face. She's absolutely delightful & wonderful. More soon.....

Dear Perfectionist Parent- Relax

To the mom who's breastfeeding: Way to go! It really is an amazing gift to give your baby, for any amount of time that you can manage! You're a good mom.

To the mom who's formula feeding: Isn't science amazing? To think there was a time when a baby with a mother who couldn't produce enough would suffer, but now? Better living through chemistry! You're a good mom.

To the cloth diapering mom: Fluffy bums are the cutest, and so friendly on the bank account. You're a good mom.

To the disposable diapering mom: Damn those things hold a lot, and it's excellent to not worry about leakage and laundry! You're a good mom.

To the mom who stays home: I can imagine it isn't easy doing what you do, but to spend those precious years with your babies must be amazing. You're a good mom.

To the mom who works: It's wonderful that you're sticking to your career, you're a positive role model for your children in so many ways, it's fantastic. You're a good mom.

To the mom who had to feed her kids from the drive thru all week because you're too worn out to cook or go grocery shopping: You're feeding your kids, and hey, I bet they aren't complaining! Sometimes sanity can indeed be found in a red box with a big yellow M on it. You're a good mom.

To the mom who gave her kids a homecooked breakfast lunch and dinner for the past week: Excellent! Good nutrition is important, and they're learning to enjoy healthy foods at an early age, a boon for the rest of their lives. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the kids who are sitting quietly and using their manners in the fancy restaurant: Kudos, it takes a lot to maintain order with children in a place where they can't run around. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the toddler having a meltdown in the cereal aisle: they always seem to pick the most embarrassing places to lose their minds don't they? We've all been through it. You're a good mom.

To the moms who judge other moms for ANY of the above? Glass houses, friend. Glass houses.

-Brit

Noelle's Stuff

I love going into Babies 'R Us and seeing the confused, newly pregnant parents wander about aimlessly trying to piece together this whole baby world. Makes me realize how far we've come and how much we still have to learn. I often end up educating some of these new parents on baby carriers, car seats, bottles, pumps, cloth diaper options and more. One of the employees actually brought me over and application once. I still cant tell if that was backhanded or not. Not my fault they dont do their research. Research was my favorite thing in the world while I was pregnant and then some. Anyways, here is a list of Noelle's "stuff".

* = absolutely essential
** = makes life easier
*** = best luxury ever (worth every penny)

*changing table- I found one at goodwill for $12.99. It was old, ugly and this poopy polished wood color (yuck). My husband sanded it and painted it chartreuse. I bought a pad with two covers and it's been an essential part of our life. She LOVES her changing pad.

***DIY mobile- I hung a chinese paper tiny parasol mobile above her changing table. They spin and she loves it.

*diapers- 3 dozen pre-folds (three sizes), 10 diaper covers (adjustable sizes), 5 snappis.

**coconut oil- I don't mean to brag but this baby has never even seen a trace of diaper rash. I coconut oil up her butt with every change. I also use it for her cradle cap and her nightly lavender massage. She has earned her name as my coco butt goat.

***bottle warmer- We warm all 36oz.(a day) of her donated breast milk 4oz. at a time in this bottle warmer. It's 2 minutes, 10 seconds and super east to use in the middle of the night. I suppose we'll use it for formula too if we ever need to.

*clothes- I find the CUTEST stuff at thrift stores. And of course people bought her lots of clothes while I was pregnant. Check for stains, bring em home and throw them in the wash. Boom!

**carriers- I'm one of those annoying moms who loves baby wearing. I have my ergo, pikkolo & a girasol converted ring sling. All of these mean she's being held while my hands are free. Awesome!

*snuggle nest- we co-sleep and this means giving her a safe, comfy place to sleep in our bed. I love our snuggle nest! Seriously I dont know how we lived without it. She can hear us breathe and I can hear all of her noises and movements throughout the night. She stays super safe and cozy.

***amber necklace- she started showing signs of teething at like, 2 months so I put on her amber teething necklace and it's been really helpful with her discomfort.

***Sophie giraffe- this was a gift from her aunt Erin and its the best gift ever. She loves to chew on her Sophie!

**snugabunny swing- a wise lady once told me that parenting is all about tricking your baby lol. after I rock her to sleep with a bottle, I put her in her swing and she feels rocked and cuddled for a good long time while I do laundry, pay bills and other general stuff. her swing is versatile, quiet and gentle. Perfect for my little sleeping goat.

***lifefactory glass bottles- i only use glass bottles. I'm not sure what my deal is with this. There's something that makes me uneasy about plastic. I'm one of those weirdos that only has glass food storage containers too. she has 6 lifefactory 4 oz. glass bottles and we use them every day. They come with caps that will be used as a little cups when she's ready.

*graco snugride 35 car seat- this car seat is safe, comfy and pretty. we leave the base in the car 24/7 and the car seat can also be put on a stroller base and converted into a stroller! yay! I think the whole set up was $200 but totally worth it. Big girls love safety!

***petunia pickle bottom diaper bag- um, have you seen these. they're way cuter than any purse I've ever owned. super convenient and can be made into a backpack. hooray!

**fisher price rock 'n play- Its a staple in the kitchen. I give her a measuring cup to chew/suck on and put her in this thing and she watches mama cook and clean.

***medela Hospital Grade Breast Pump- I didn't end up getting to use it (boohoo) but if you get an electric breast pump, don't go cheap! Spend on that shit! Breast milk is liquid gold.


Well, that's pretty much the basics. I hope she reads this one day and can laugh at all of the awesome new stuff we used for her. Rearing babies gets easier and easier in the stuff department. I laughed so hard at some of the things my mom used to use on me and my brother. Rubber pants & pins! Love it!

5-15-13

I wish I could breast feed. This is really bothering me today. Sometimes it comes back and I feel terrible about it. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow. Barely got to see my angel today. I woke up with a cough but it resolved itself. Was glad to get home and see her this afternoon.

She can roll over now on both sides back and forth. I'm so proud of her already.

5-13-13

working hard to eat her feet

Noelle was so lovely and wonderful today. I don't understand how I can wake up every day loving her more. I had no idea this kind of love was possible- its so different than the love I have for my husband or family. We took Daddy into work around 9am and then afterwards we went to the Frothy Monkey to grab a coffee and suck it down quick. Afterwards we went to Sevier park to do some fast walking around the park. It was good- got my heart rate up and she did wonderful-- just enjoying every thing from the stroller. Afterwards to went over to the play area and I got on the swings while holding her. She loved it & loved watching the other kids play. We did some light swinging, I fed her a little bit and we went home. She slept in the car the whole car trip.

When we got home we went upstairs, did a diaper change and played. After a little bit we went back downstairs to play on the play mat and do some tummy time. She's starting to pivot her knees under her body and pushing up. It's giving her a little bit of mobility but not enough for her taste. She's going to crawl if its the last thing she ever does. She lets out these grunts of excitement and frustration. Its hard to watch her stuggle and I help but try to keep it minimal so she can do it herself. She's very determined.

After that we went back upstairs and she hungrily sucked down her bottle until she fell asleep for a couple of hours. When she woke up she was full of smiles. Its weird, but I miss her while she's sleeping. Its nice to get free time but I look forward to when she wakes up.

We headed over to Trader Joes with grandma (my mom) and bought a couple of lunch foods. She did great and I made sure to walk close to the shelves so she can touch every thing. I want her to touch everything. Not break or take but touching is good if it doesn't affect the wares. She loves to touch things and feel different textures. I've noticed she likes holding my silk chinese bath robe. She feels it between her fingers, I think she likes how soft and silky it is. I remember doing this with my blankie when I was little- it had a satin lining that I loved to touch and suck on.

Life with her keeps getting better and better. I cannot believe how much I love this little baby. On another note, her amber teething necklace arrived in the mail today. She looks really cute in it. I hope it helps with the teething and drooling. Poor angel.

baltic amber teething necklace

5-11-13

Noelle slept for most of the day and woke up in a really good mood. She's been eating a little bit here and there and generally playful and delightful. I wanted to take her to the musicians corner music festival in centennial park but she was asleep when it was time for us to so my mom agreed to watch her for a bit. We had a really good time and decided that Noelle and Tabitha (our pup) would definitely be joining us next time. 

Tomorrow is mothers day. My very first and I'm really excited to be her mom. We've been slowly transitioning her into the ergo and out of the pikkolo for a couple of weeks now. She does great with the inward facing carry now as long as we keep moving. We love baby wearing! I'm learning so much about different wraps, slings, mei tai's and carriers. 

My first mothers day

Here's what my husband made me for mothers day! I LOOOOOVE IT!!!
(click images from left to right to reveal the story)
*as acted out by my very favorite cartoon show: Adventure Time!

5-10-13

This morning I woke up super late. Like, 7:30p. Which is not a good idea. We weren't ready to leave the house until 9a and Jeremy didn't get to work until like 9:45p because I swear there was traffic for everything. Boo! So, I dropped off Jeremy at work feeling really insecure about my activities with the baby that day. Yesterday was just so stressful I've been feeling like super shitty mom since yesterday. I kinda figured out why this is- its an astrological thing. Yesterday and today are the lunar eclipse in Taurus and from what I understand this means that the irrational digging up from the past thats taken place these last two weeks actually has a purpose. I'm ready to shed that skin and basically get much closer to who I want to be. Someone kinder, more empathetic and someone who isn't so hard on themselves.

My mom told me this morning that she'll probably be leaving sooner than June which was surprising. (She's been staying with us since 11/24/12) Its definitely been stressful to have her here and its been really good to have her spend so much time with Noelle. Truth be told, I've been wanting her to leave for a while. We've got some issues, it seems like we haven't gotten along since I was born. Jeremy calls us oil and water. Truthfully, I feel like were so similar and so controlling that we don't leave the other any room to breathe or feel. Anyways, when she told me shed be leaving soon I had a little moment of panic and relief all at once.

Noelle did great this morning at my moms meetup group at Zolli Koffee. I put down her blanket and she rolled around all over it back and forth. She's really getting the rolling thing down. She seemed content in her frustration. I feel like she enjoys a challenge but fear that I might be projecting my own thoughts on the matter. I talked, drank coffee, walked her around and my friend Ashley told us she was selling her girasol ring sling. Now that Noelle does so excellent in her Pikkolo and Ergo I'm looking for a soft ring sling to carry her around in once in a while. It's a different feel but it'll help keep a hand open and they're super pretty. Not such a big deal to put on and take off as the Ergo-- would be nice for short trips into the grocer and around the house. Ashley said I could borrow it for a week or so and see how she likes it. SWEET.

Girasol Ring Sling

She still wont eat if she's distracted by anything. Any noise or light or movements. She's been getting really sleepy and hungry lately. The last three days I've given her a little acetaminophen around 2p because she's been getting fussy due to her uncomfortable gums (teething) and she's taken a 2 hour nap a little bit afterwards. I think her naps have been a lot longer because of the drugs and because she's been able to relax a little bit when she's not uncomfortable (makes sense). 

She's grabbing for every thing now and I can tell she's a little more comfortable around other babies now. I'm going to try to make it to the friday morning meetup weekly. It really helps when I hang out with other like-minded moms. 

Last night I dreamt I was pregnant. Honestly, I was really afraid when I woke up that it was true. I don't feel like I could do that again. My pregnancy was so awful with the band slip and the ultra sickness and the moving and whoa. I guess, to be fair, if I got pregnant again it might actually be a lot easier. Now that I know what to expect. I would definitely do a home birth again- that was a really good choice. If it were up to me (and it mostly is), I would want it to just be the three of us forever. I dont feel the need for another baby at all. I'd like to think of myself as family oriented but I'm really not. I like peace and personal attention. I like to experience everything once and then move on. My mom wants us to have another one (a boy) lol. She's obsessed with having a ton of grandchildren. I feel like she's lucky she got one. 

It's a good day to be Noelle's mama. I'm feeling better and better in my transition from maiden to mother. Did I mention were moving in February? Our landlord wants to sell this place and were in no position to buy it. At fist I was stressed out but now I'm excited. We'll save up enough to hire movers and find a great place closer to Jeremy's work. Hooray for new! If only we could stay at the next place forever!

photos

4 mos. - playing on her play mat

4 mos. drying her on the bed after a bath

5-9-13

We're having a rough day today. I guess its not that bad if I put it into perspective. She's healthy and smiling and just going through things that babies go through. She woke up at 6am like every day and her and Jeremy walked around and played all morning while I slept until 7:30a. My mom took her this morning which was nice and we got ready and left at 8:30a to take Jeremy to work. I stopped at the Turnip Truck to get some stuff to make a dessert tonight. I got home and she was napping. My mom said she'd been fussy all morning. 

I'm feeling like a terrible parent because i'm running out of things to do with her. Also, the teething gel isn't helping much and the hyland's teething tablets aren't doing anything. She just had her 4 mos. check up last week so I know she's not sick. But sometimes she grunts and fusses and I just dont know what to do to make her happy. I made a play area in the living room. Well, actually the living room is a play area now. I've been giving her baby acetaminophen in a little dropper for when I can tell she's uncomfortable. I think I figured out how to give it to her without her spitting it back up. I hope there's no harm in it. But today, even after some drops she was still fussy. I think she had pretty bad gas but I kept burping her and she kept giving me really good burps. 

I finally looked at her after an hour of her being upset and just started to cry saying, "I dont know what you want". Sometimes I feel victimized by this whole thing. I love her so much but its so conflicting. On days like this I remember why I didn't want kids and how hard it is. It's so hard. 

I am very proud of her. She's grabbing for everything and yesterday did great watching me make food when I gave her some measuring cups to suck on. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing great and raising a happy baby and other days I worry that I'm not meeting her needs. She's still waking up every three hours at night to eat, but then she goes right back to sleep. She sleeps from about 8p-6a which isn't too bad at all. She wakes up energized and ready and after a couple of hours goes into cranky mode. Sometimes she wants to eat, sometimes she's bored and sometimes her gums are bothering her. 

I finally got her to sleep around 3p today. Which is why I have time to type this. I was so relieved when she fell asleep. We both needed to re-charge really badly. I was getting burnt out and feeling like the shittiest mom ever today. So she's been asleep almost 1.5 hours now and I think the acetaminophen helps her sleep for longer. Last week her naps lasted no longer than 15 minutes!

She's making tons of noises and reaches out for everything. My mom calls her the claw. Jeremy still calls her squishy bear and I've been calling her pumpkin head due to her big, wobbly head. She has the best smile still and when she's happy, she's happy. Sometimes she looks very focused. She's practicing drinking by herself with an empty plastic bottle & doing really well. She likes to go after the ducks in our bath time. I still love to bathe with her. She's a great swimmer, kicker, splasher and loves her bath time. She makes a lot of very loud noises now.

We put her on the mats for tummy time a couple times a day and she puts her head up into an upward facing dog yoga position. She moves her knees a lot and I feel like any day she's gonna prop herself up. She can now roll herself from side to side but not from back to front. She tries, hard, with lots of accompanying grunts. She's absolutely relentless. 

She's been really good in her Pikkolo carrier and we've been practicing with the Ergo lately. I'm making some drool pads for her Ergo and plan to use it a lot more often. It's a little lighter than the Pikkolo. 

We found out last night that Jeremy's grandpa Hank died. He was 98. I didn't feel too sad because I've never met Hank. It did make me think of my grandparents, John and Roberta and how much they would've loved Noelle. I'm not missing my family terribly lately. I've been feeling very reclusive, unsure and like a medicated pad. 

I think some great new things to think about are: taking it easier on myself. Not being afraid of when the baby is just upset and cant figure it out and just some general meditation on serenity. Trying to get rid of my controlling tendencies is really rough. It's so funny to think that I have control over very much. Anyways, I'm hoping for a better evening! I'm re-charged now and ready to try again.